how can u be prego again
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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