Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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