He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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