he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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