think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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