I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
