Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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