dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
