(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
