When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
