If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
