after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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