Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
