Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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