Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I smell like Dick and happiness
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
