we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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