Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
