Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
