the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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