Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
