I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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