I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
