I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
