I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
