no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
