Will you blow on my dice?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
