your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
