He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
