I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
