I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you would pick up someone in the library
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
