Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
