If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
