Your face is a jimmy john
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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