There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
God, I missed his penis.
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