2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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