Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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