Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
