He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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