I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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