Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
