I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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