The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
