He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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