His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
