Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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