Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
