Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize