Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
