I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
