You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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