Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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