what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
