Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
