Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
