I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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