Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
