Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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