I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
