Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
