White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
