Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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