Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
