I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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