you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
