Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize