She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
be right there i have to get my cape
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
