Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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