whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize